October is Kinktober and at Dr. Nikki Knows, we LOVE it! I'm proud to say that I am a kink-affirming, kink-aware therapist/coach. Kink is such an expansive space for the experience of sensual, erotic, and sexual pleasure. But that's only part of why I love it so much. I was recently at an event and the host said, "Kink is medicine". I believe for so many people that is true. I recognize that kinky practices or BDSM isn't for everyone and that's perfectly wonderful! Vanilla ice cream is still ice cream! :)
However, the things that I appreciate and find so valuable about kink are essentials of healthy, life-affirming, soul-enriching, erotic connection that I often bring in some of those principles into my work with vanilla clients/couples. In a safe, healthy, affirming kink space you will always find:
Acceptance of all bodies as good bodies
Acceptance that pleasure comes in a wide variety of methods/access points
Active, enthusiastic consent for all things
Negotiation of pleasure
Informed curiosity leads to expanded horizons
Sex as play
Engagement of multiple senses
Recognition that intimacy requires vulnerability
Recognition that vulnerability requires clear communication
The right to stop anything at any time without question or judgement
Aftercare
Just to name a few! If you are more intentional about incorporating these specific elements into your sex life, I can guarantee you will have a more satisfying and fulfilling one. I've shared before how I think these elements can be especially vital for Black folx. If you've ever worked with me or listened to me speak about sex and pleasure, you know I firmly believe that pleasure is a legitimate pathway to liberation. Well, kink/BDSM is like taking a superspeed highway there! Engaging in the sort of uninhibited sexual play of kink is an unapologetic and enthusiastic reclamation of pleasure as your birthright.
If you are a little curious about kink/BDSM, the perfect time to start indulging your curiosity is now. One way to do that is by completing a Yes/No/Maybe checklist. I've linked one here for you to take a look at: Checklist. This is a great activity to do if you are partnered or single. If you are partnered, you can complete it either solo and share together or complete it together as a fun activity. In either instance, the intimacy and excitement comes from the open, curious dialogue about your partner's choices. If you're solo, it's a great way for you to keep track of your sexual bucketlist! Either way, you may just find out you're not as vanilla as you thought!
Once you've completed your Yes/No/Maybe checklist, check out my Amazon storefront to find some fun items to get you started in crossing Yes! items off your list! I've put all of my favorite resources, toys, and sexcessories here for your ease. If you have any questions about how to engage kink/BDSM more into your sex life, book a consultation with me today. Let me coach you through it!